TC is Lead Host on DC TV-13, covering the DC City Council. She is also an air personality on Smooth Jazz 105.9 FM.  As a native Washingtonian, TC chooses to give back by supporting various charities for women and children.  Her company (TCB Enterprises) and website ( www.sistacircle.com ), are devoted to just that.

I admit it: I’m barely holding up.  That is to say that, like many of you, I’m hanging by a thread.  I’m trying to manage three children (one in elementary, one in middle, and a freshman in college).  Along with that comes nightly homework, a job or two to keep food on the table, and an alarm clock that goes off at 4 in the morning.  There are my public appearances, parent-teacher conferences, preparing nutritious meals – which happens to become takeout two or three nights per week – and those hair and nail appointments that I try to fit in somewhere.  Oh, and this year something new was added to my list – wicked, college tuition payments!  Plus, the laundry is piling up, the dishes are screaming from the sink and all this leads to sleep deprivation.  Sound familiar?

            Chances are you are struggling with the same balancing act.  My mother was right:  There just aren’t enough hours in the day.  At least I’m not in denial, like some working parents who have the misconception that everyone else is managing their roles and responsibilities just fine and that they are the only ones who can’t do it.  I don’t care what the song says; you have to be a superwoman today!

            According to researchers at the University of Michigan, the stress related to playing the superwoman role is directly connected to health problems for Black women.  A survey titled “Social Context, Stressors and Disparities in Women’s Health,” reveals that certain types of financial stress – not having enough money for quality child care or medical expenses, or worrying about putting food on the table – contribute to high levels of disease among Black women. 

            The survey of nearly 700 African-American women living in low-income communities reveals that financial vulnerability and insecure incomes had a great affect on health.  Another contributing factor was trying to handle everything without reaching out for help.  Rather than trying to do it all, women should take advantage of support groups.  Parents Without Partners is a national support group for women and men who are single parents ( 1-800-637-7974).

            Here are some tips I’m working on these days.  I hope they can help you to polish up  your juggling act…

Prioritize

            Before you try to come up with solutions, it is essential that you spend some time reflecting on all that you are doing.  In the midst of not having enough time to sit down for a cup of coffee, making time to reflect can be challenging in and of itself.   However,  in order to figure out which things you really must do now, which things can wait and which things you can let go of altogether, you need to look carefully at all of the things you are currently doing and determine which are most important.  If you have a partner, it would be a good idea to have all of these discussions with him or her.

Simplify

            Your child will only be a child once.  Your house may be a mess for a long time.  Spend time with your baby.  Keep in mind that your child doesn't need things as much as she needs you.  Buying a lot of stuff is not only costly; it can be wasteful and clutter your home too.  Keep toys, clothes, furniture and food as simple as possible.   Your child is not going to remember that $35 toy 20 years from now.  She'll remember that you had time where you really listened to her and shared yourself with her.

Explore options

            Take a look at the number of hours you are working, other responsibilities you have taken on (church or community projects, etc.), demands of the house and, of course, the responsibility for your children.  Include a good look at your budget.  It’s also important to look at various work options.  Could you or your partner change your work schedule or the number of hours you works?  Would it possible to do part of your work from home?  Think through many different possible scenarios and try to figure out if any are doable.

Share the load

            Men’s participation in home and family has increased in the last 20 years.  Statistically, however, the number of hours employed women spend on parenting and housework still greatly exceeds the number of hours that men spend doing the same tasks. This doesn't necessarily mean that men are unwilling or uninterested.  It just means that it may be time for you to take a closer look at the division of labor in your family.  Is it working optimally for both of you or could it be shifted?  How could it be shared more equitably?  Are there adjustments both parents need to make in order for it to happen?   And single, working moms should sometimes take off that superwoman cape and ask friends and relatives for a little help when the load gets to be too much.

Remember, it’s a balancing act. If you consider this a normal state, you can learn to relax.  Balance isn't something we necessarily find as parents, it’s something we are always moving toward.  One week you will get lots of good things done at work and the house will be a wreck.  The next week, you may need to leave work early to make that parent-teacher conference at your kid’s school, but you have to leave your desk a mess.   The following week, you may actually fit in that workout you've been promising yourself, but you have to leave the dishes undone.   Clearly, balance doesn't happen in any one instance, but be encouraged!  It can happen in the long run. 

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