Star Love Talk

Should you place your passion on film?

A few weeks ago actress Vivica A. Fox was at the center of a sex tape scandal.  The jury is still out on whether the images captured by a man’s cell phone are actually of the actress, but the whole situation should be an eye opener for those of us that love to get passionate with camcorders, digital cameras, webcams and cell phones in close reach.  I am all for any “tools” that make your sex life sing, but know that there are ways to make sure that what was a great idea one night does not turn into the latest YouTube rage.

Agree beforehand who will see the images.

I am simply amazed how many people do not discuss filming their sex before actually doing it.  Ground rules need to be set: who will get to watch it, when will we watch it and what are we going to do?  A listener to my radio show wrote me about her horrifying experience of walking in on her man showing their tape to one of his boys.  When she asked him why he’d do something like that he replied “he always shared his collection with his boys.” He excused it away by saying that they he never showed him the part with her face on the screen. What??

Take ownership and whenever possible make your debut temporary.

The best way to protect yourself is to actually posses the images when you leave the room.  Make sure you own the camera that you are using so that it leaves with you.  Some of you who are still old school make sure that the Polaroids are in your possession.
Utilize digital cameras when taking your naughty shots. As soon as you guys review the images or movie – delete them.  Say no quickly to any traditional cameras or video tape camcorders.  Know that webcam images can be captured forever and that there are quick technical tricks that can prevent images from being stored and shared. 

Realize that love and trust does not always stay in a relationship – protect yourself if the tide were to turn.

Right now you are in the joyful days of love and you will do anything in order to keep your lover happy. Always be mindful that even the best of relationships have bumps in the road and what was fun and uninhibited can always come back to bite you. Think ahead and protect yourself.  Even married lovers need to think ahead because it is not a rare thing to have a video or photo pop up in a divorce proceeding or custody case.  Have fun but always be responsible.

 

Sexy Dilemma of the Week

LaDawn,

I'm in a relationship with a 34 year old and I'm only 22 and I was
wondering do you think it’s safe for my feelings to be so involved in
such an older guy.

 

Sister:
Personally, I don’t think an age gap is automatically a bad thing.  As long as everyone is legal and available, loving an older or a younger person can be revitalizing, refreshing and invigorating.  For all the lip service paid to the importance of finding someone similar to you – most people will tell you that their spouse or lover is totally different from them and it somehow works.  That being said there are some things to keep in mind when you are dealing with an age gap.  Like any other relationship it can be challenging and here are some ideas to get over the hurdles.

Be honest about expectations.
You are younger than your man he may have already experienced marriage and parenthood by this point while you are looking at these things down the road. Have an honest discussion of what your ideal relationship looks like and be prepared to have differences aired out.  The age gap while fun and exciting can also place limits on how far the relationship can go.  It is best to know that he does not want to be married again or that you don’t want kids until your mid-thirties in order for both of you to be clear on what this love will or will not offer you.

Make peace with not always getting it.
There are going to be jokes, references, friends and situations that are simply not going to link up. Early on each of you will make a gallant effort to fit into every aspect of one another’s worlds but in order for the love to survive you are going to have to realize that some things are going to simply be too young for him and way too old for you.  Enjoy the heck out of what you guys have in common and don’t focus too much on those things that you don’t necessarily get.

It may be a temporary run.
For all the fun that huge age gaps can provide in love many of these relationships do have a definite time stamp. Life stages change and you must be prepared for a time when he may be ready for marriage when you are still in grad school or you may want to jet off on a summer vacation and he is bogged down by projects at work.  There will be a moment in your relationship when your timing will be drastically off as a couple and you have to make the harsh decision if it will ever sync up again.

Visit LaDawn online at www.ladawnblack.com. Email questions to LaDawn at advice@ladawnblack.com.